Itβs so important to help our fellow women stay safe and and protect themselves.. Do you have a story to tell or any dating safety tips to share? Would love to hear about them below.
WARNING:
Please note that this topic may contain sensitive information and may be cause for triggers.
FACT: Real Girls Have to Take Their Safety Seriously Everyday Before Walking Out the Door
If I had to take a guess, Iβd say that we already have one thing in common. We both want to protect the women that we love and canβt stand to see them (and ourselves) be just another statistic.
I donβt know about you, but I finally had to stop watching Law and Order SVU because of all the very realistic scenarios that would also come to life on the newsβ¦ It bothered me a great dealβ¦ especially since people close to me have experienced situations similar.
Thereβs a reason the show has to put a disclaimer at the beginning of each episodeβ¦ because many of them are ripped straight from the headlines.
Femininity = Responsibility
Being a woman has many great advantages but some disadvantages too. Every day when we walk out that door, we are a potential victim.
Perhaps you or someone you know has been assaulted. Many women are still alive to tell the tale, but many of them sadly, are not.
At first, this bothered me because there was nothing that I could do. Or, so I thought⦠Then, I had the idea for this blog.

My younger sister just started college and dating, so this conversation as well as my newly single foray into dating life has made this REAL TALK very personal and relevant for me again.
With each new woman tragically made the victim, I become more aware of the fact that as females, we are physically vulnerable and must use everything that we have at our disposal to protect ourselves from those we may encounter who may want to attack us, such as in dating.
We want to enjoy our lives, meet new people, and go on dates. But, at what risk to ourselves?

In this blog, I give a real girlβs guide to dating safely with tips passed down from my mom to me with some pointers from my own experience (and a scary dating story of mine).
Even if you think you already know all the basics, there is no harm in reading to see if there is a step you havenβt considered yet.
FACT
According to a 1998 survey taken by the National Institute of Justice & Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, 1 in every 6 American women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.
Since we canβt always predict when or how an incident will occur, itβs best to take every possible precaution we can ahead of time. It can be as simple as screening your date on video chat beforehand or meeting in a public place.
Later in this blog, I go into more detail and share a list of tips my mom has shared with me over the years. I hope theyβre passed down to many more women.
SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE
If you, or someone you know has suffered from sexual assault and youβre too afraid to tell the police, a friend, or family, you can call RAINN, the National Sexual Assault hotline. Visit their website here for more info. You can also get 24/7 help here.
They also have an app that offers victims support, self-care tips, and a mood tracker after to help them heal post-assault.
Safety Dating Tips Passed Down From One Woman to Another
DISCLAIMER: The tips in this blog were passed down from my mom to me. I donβt claim to be an expert or a professional on the subject matter. Use the tips at your own discretion.
Unlike my last blog where I encourage women to date while keeping health in mind during COVID, in this blog, I encourage you to date while keeping your safety in mind.
My goal is to reach as many women as possible that could benefit from these dating safety tips. If I could help even just one female to not become a victim, I would be so happy.
There are many warning signs that we should take into account before we go on a date with someone or while on a date with someone.
Some of the tips youβre about to read may sound fairly obvious. But, youβd be surprised how many women are aware of what to do but donβt for fear of embarrassment or coming off rude.
Knowing these things is just part of being a woman, unfortunately. But, we must keep them in mind if we want to stay safe! Having knowledge is power.
Iβm very fortunate that I have an amazing mom who taught me these things early on. When she was my age and dating, they helped her avoid (and get out of) a lot of potentially life-threatening scenarios. Theyβve also helped me and Iβm hoping, you too.
Before You Read the Tips, Please Knowβ¦
I donβt mean to sound dramatic or like Iβm trying to scare youβ¦ Iβm also not trying to tell you what you should do, just giving you helpful tips to make you aware so you can make an informed decision. Because I want you to be safe and live to tell the tale of your awesome (or horribly awesome) dates!
A lot of the tips below apply to the first initial dates until you become more comfortable and trust them. Iβm hoping these tips can save the life of you or someone you know. Feel free to share them with someone you think could benefit from them.
No one likes to feel that theyβre being paranoid or have to be skeptical toward someone they likeβ¦ So, these tips may be initially off-putting especially when thinking about actually going through with them.
But, I always think about how a bad situation could have been different had any of the woman went through with the steps like weβre about to discuss. Better to be safe than sorry..
I may scare off any potential dates once they read my secretsβ¦ but itβs worth it to me if it benefits you. We have to support our fellow women. And thatβs what Iβm here to do. So here they areβ¦
20 Dating Safety Tips
Each tip has been modified for current times.
Tip# 1: Meet on Video Chat First
Before even meeting in person, a video chat is always a good idea so you can not only feel them out but screenshot their face as well just in case God forbid, something bad were to happen to you on your date, at least their face is on your computer.
Tip #2: Verify Them
How many times has a girl been on a date where the guy looked nothing like his profile picture? Luckily, this hasnβt happened to me.. and I hope you either. But, itβs a reality we must face.
Itβs not only embarrassing and a waste of time to be catfished like that, but itβs also incredibly dangerous to be on a date with someone different from his profile picture.
If you havenβt video chatted with them before your date, have them take a picture of themselves doing what you tell them (i.e. holding up 3 fingers) so you know theyβre not pretending to be someone else.
Any guy Iβve asked to do this has been understanding. Just joke and say, βHello, Iβm a female. Gotta stay safe out thereββ¦ Most of the time, theyβll understand and want to meet you enough that theyβre not bothered by it.
It should be no problem for them. If they donβt want to take a quick pic of them, thatβs a red flag. Say, βGoodbyeβ.
Tip #3: Meet in a Public Place
A restaurant is perfect as a lot of them have cameras and constant wait staff checking in on you. I once had a bad date where the guy was creepy and I let my waiter know on the way to the restroom so he could check on me till I exited safely from the date.
Most in the hospitality business are very understanding of βdate nightsβ. Bartenders, waiters, and hostesses can really be amazing allies on dates.
Tip #4: Look Out for Red Flags
Does their story change a lot? Are their facts not matching up? Do they withhold simple, basic information that any normal person who wasnβt hiding something would be willing to share?
Pay attention to these details as they make all the difference in the end and donβt be afraid to call them out on it. Let them know youβre no fool.
If you donβt feel comfortable doing so, just end the conversation and donβt continue communication.
Tip #5: Donβt Leave the Public Meeting Place
Youβre on a great date, youβve just finished a delicious meal, and already you can sense thereβs chemistry. Itβs all too tempting to let our guards down completely and just enjoy the moment… throwing all logic and common sense out the window. Girl, donβt I know it.
But, no matter how much fun youβre having, I personally would never leave my βpublic meeting placeβ on the 1st date. Not to be funny, but itβs too soon to tell if theyβre a serial killer at worst or a serial one nightery at best.
Once youβve left your safe environment in the public eye, thereβs no knowing what the other person can or will do.
What to say?
If your designated βpublic meeting placeβ is at the restaurant, stay at the restaurant. At least until after the first few dates or until youβve gotten to know the person enough to feel safe with them.
So, letβs say your restaurant date is over and he wants to take you for a walk or to a place outside of the restaurant, whether or not you want to see him again, make up some excuse and politely decline.
You can say youβve had a great date but youβve been running around all day and youβre getting a bit tired/have an early morning tomorrow/insert excuse here.
If there are any red flags, theyβre more likely to come up during these initial dating encounters so youβll get a good feel for what their intentions are and whether theyβre sending creepy vibes.
Tip #6: Whoβs Your βDesignated Date Attendeeβ?
What Iβm about to say may sound extreme.. lol.. but, Iβve done it on multiple occasions and itβs always made me feel comfortable so I can enjoy my date while staying safe, because isnβt that what all this is for?
Have a friend or family member be your βDesignated Date Attendeeβ, present in the public meeting place.. and watch your initial first date(s) until you feel comfortable to meet this person without them being nearby.
They donβt have to be at the next table and stalk youβ¦ Just somewhere around, having a meal themselves or something. The point is for them to keep an eye on you. (i.e. if he slips something in your drink while youβre in the restroom) ** see below for drink test kits.
Alternative Option:
If you canβt have someone there, befriend the bartender or waiter. They might know this person and give you a heads up. Or, they at the very least can make sure youβre ok. Tip them extra beforehand to watch out for you and look at your date.
Theyβre in the industry of knowing people and itβs their job to remember not just orders but faces and behaviors as well. Notice how on shows like Law & Order, they always ask the server for an account of what happened, what the person looked like? π
If youβre not going to have a βDDAβ watch you on your date, the next two tips are important.
*** If you read until the end of this blog, Iβll share a personal story of how a waiter/bartender probably literally saved me from who knows what. ***
Tip #7: Share Your Dateβs Info with Someone
Tell a loved one you trust the name, phone number, address, and any other info you have of your date. Also, send a picture of what he looks like and where youβre meeting.
Tip #8: Communicate with Your Designated Contact
Assign someone in your life the role of βDesignated Contactβ when youβre about to go on a date. Keep in contact with them before, throughout, and after your date. (i.e. mom)
Itβs important to not forget that youβre supposed to communicate with them. Leaving them out of the loop might alarm them to call the cops. Or conversely, theyβre going to assume youβre still on your way to the date.. not knowing that youβre in danger in the meantime.
Your contact should know the following:
- When youβve left for your date
- When youβve arrived
- When youβre leaving
- When youβre home safely
Conversation Example:
- Hi mom, Iβm leaving for my date.
- Just arrived at the restaurant.
Agree that every __ minutes/hours you check-in. Set your alarm as a reminder. If they donβt hear from you after a certain amount of time, they can call 911.
Tip #9: Call, Donβt Text Your Designated Contact
Itβs all too easy for your attacker could pretend to be you by texting your βDCβ. Make sure to let them know to expect a call from you, not a text. And that if they get a text instead of a call like you agreed upon, to call you. If you donβt pick up, then they should be concerned.
Tip # 10: Have a Plan A, B, & C with Your Designated Contact
Having a plan of action for each of the scenarios that could happen is a good idea. Plan this with your βDCβ ahead of time.
For example:
Your βDCβ is expecting a call from you at 9 PM and your phone alarm is set for that time. But, when that time rolls around, they donβt hear from you. You agree ahead of time that they should be worried and take action at Plan C.
Plan A: They text you to call them.
They donβt hear from you. Go to Plan B.
Plan B: They call you.
You donβt answer. Go to Plan C.
Plan C: They give you 30 minutes then call the cops.
Tip #11: Take a Call in Front of Your Date
Arrange for someone to call you while youβre on your date. After youβve sat down at the public place, text them that youβre ready to receive the call. Then, answer in front of your date. The point is for them to hear you on the phone.
Then, say out loud, βHi ___, Iβm with so and so now at the restaurant. Iβll tell you when Iβm leaving.β
You can play it off in a humorous way so itβs not so rude that youβre taking a call on your date. βI always let someone know when Iβm on a date. You could be a serial killerβ.
It lets your date know that you have people keeping track of your whereabouts. They are less likely to try anything that puts you in harm’s way if they think someone knows who they are and where you are.
Tip #12: Watch Them Get into Their Car
This does 2 things:
1: Letβs you know what their car looks like so on your way back home, you know if theyβre following you.
2: Gives you the ability to take a quick snap of their license plate.
I would even go a step further and make sure they leave first so they canβt follow you. If heβs a gentleman, heβll probably ask if you want him to wait with you. You can say, βThatβs ok, I appreciate you being a gentleman but my rides running behind.. Iβll use it as an opportunity to go to the ladies’ room.β
To ice the burnβ¦ you can say, βBut, I had a great night and would like to do it again soonβ¦β
Tip #13: Enable Your Phoneβs Emergency Setting
For the worst-case scenarios, enabling and using the SOS setting on your phone (if it has one) may just save your life.
Iβm not sure if iPhone or Google phones have the setting, but with my Samsung phone, Iβm able to set my phone to the SOS emergency setting.

If youβre ever in danger, you can press the power button 3x and an automatic SOS message will be sent to the 4 emergency contacts listed. Theyβll be sent a front and back photo, a 5-second voice recording, as well as your exact location which they can track.

Another great option for women is jewelry or accessories w/ a hidden alert button on the backside disguised as a charm. It contacts up to 5 people in the event of an emergency when you press it twice. It can even call 911 for you. Itβs called Invisawear and it uses the same response technology as ADT. I couldnβt recommend this enough! This alone can save your life. You can get it on Amazon here.
Tip #14: Charge Your Phone
This sounds obvious, but we tend to get excited getting ready for our date, and forget. Always charge your phone 100% before going on your date.
It might also be a good idea to bring a backup charger in your purse. Wireless chargers work great, so you donβt need an outlet.
Tip #15 Watch Your Drink
It may seem dramatic, but I think itβs one of the most important tips I could offer you because date rape drug incidents are more common than you might think.
According to a 2016 survey conducted by the University of South Carolina, 7.6% of women have either been drugged or have suspected theyβve been drugged.
Date rape drugs are concerning not just because of how effective they are but also because the drug can be given to you in a number of discreet ways that you or people watching you may not even see.
And, another scary thing is that my previous tip (being in a public place) doesnβt help you. People around you will just assume youβre a dumb, drunk girl and not give it a second thought.
Protect yourself by thinking about your drink. Girls are victims of date rape drugs all the time. Donβt let the next one be you.
What to Do:
- Donβt leave your drink unattended.
- If you must leave your drink unattended, order a new one.
- If you donβt want to order a new drink every time you leave it unattended, get a date rape drug test.
Undercover Colors has a great one thatβs smaller than a quarter called βSip Chipβ. You can buy it on Amazon here.

One drop of your drink and it tells you if it contains drugs in around 30 seconds.

Itβs fast and easy to use! I just recently bought some for myself because they have great reviews.
- Watch your drink & lookout for distractions.
If youβre turning your head to talk to someone, cover your drink. You may think to yourself, βIβve been watching my drink the whole timeβ or, βIβve had my eyes on him the whole timeβ but that doesnβt mean heβs not teaming up with a buddy of his nearby.
Sometimes guys work in teams, one person drugs while the other distracts the girl.
- If youβre standing around and canβt keep an eye on your drink at the bar, hold it.
This brings me to my next tipβ¦
Tip# 16: Limit Your Alcohol Consumption
As we all know, when weβre drunk, we have the tendency to make really poor choices. Taking the walk of shame or drunk texting your ex is one thing, but being the victim of a dangerous outcome is another.
It seems obvious but, youβre a more ideal target when youβre drunk since you canβt fight back as easily. Donβt drink more than you know you can handle and limit your consumption.
Tip #17: Carry Handsized Self Defense Tools on the Go
Itβs very easy to get any one of the items below and keep it on your keychain, in your pocket, or purse.
- Pepper Spray
Iβve held one in my purse since I was 17. Luckily, knock on wood.. Iβve never had to use it. Iβm hoping you donβt ever have to either but just in case, one of my favorites is Bling Sting on Amazonβ¦
I like their safety products because theyβre cute yet very discreet. They have all different products for a girlβs safety.
I have Bling Stingβs keychain pepper spray alarm combo.
Not all states allow the shipping of pepper spray in the US. Check here to see if your state has restrictions. If so, many stores carry these things. (Walmart, Target, Home Depot, etc.)
- Alarm
Thereβs something to be said about an alarm that sounds off with a little push of a button.
- Car Hammer
You never know when youβre going to need to break free.
- Car Gear
Never be in a situation where youβre pulled over on the side of the road as a single female asking a stranger for a jump. Youβre a boss babe. Equip yourself with tools to handle it yourself.
- Gun
There are many situations where it is a good idea for a woman to consider carrying a gun. But, before you get one, hereβs what you need to know.
- Taser
- Stun Gun
Theyβre legal in 48 states for civilian use and are not considered a firearm.
Stun guns are perfect for women to use as a weapon because it fits in our purses and we donβt have to be as strong as our attacker.
However, unlike a taser which allows you to be 15 feet away, you need to be right next to your attacker to use it successfully.
The voltage is strong enough to immobilize the person and impair them mentally so you can get away but because of the low amperage, you wonβt inflict permanent damage.
There are a lot of myths about stun guns which you can read here.
- Emergency Car Safety Kit
You never know when a situation will arise in your dateβs car and you need to escape.
This kit is great for a woman in an emergency. It has a car escape hammer, security alarm, and pepper spray.
- Flashlight
I hope youβre not one of those women who walk around at night but if you are and your phone has a low battery and you canβt see, youβre going to need a good LED light.
This one doubles as a stun gun.
Tip #18: Use Your Shoes
Youβre standing on 2 weapons, your shoes. You can use the pointy heel to stab someoneβs eye.
Tip #19: Arrange Transportation
How do you get to and from your date safely? Usually, itβs the gentlemanly thing for a man to offer his date a ride home and a woman usually accepts. However, I never do it on the first few dates.
If you want to stay safe, instead, politely decline and say youβve already arranged for a friend or parent to drive you.
Coordinate this beforehand so you can get to and from your date safely. Itβs not childish… We grown-ass women have to be concerned for our safety.
Or, arrange for a ride. I like Safr, a ride-share app for women. (Iβm iffy about Ubers/Lyfts which Iβll talk about in another blog)
Tip # 20: Prevention- Self Dense Tutorials & Classes
The more you know in the beginning, the better. Learn how to protect yourself or escape a situation ahead of time so you can act at the moment.
In the past, Iβve taken Women’s Self Defense Krav Maga classes in Boston and theyβve been really informative. See if your city has one.
Other Great Training Options:
In-Person:
Trish Hoffman, Retired Lieutenant of Albuquerque Police Department and Founder of WomenAgainstCrime.com offers self-defense training (one-on-one, group, corporate, & more) for women. You can read her story and learn more about training at her website here.
Online:
If you canβt get to a class, online tutorials are a great option. Robin (@dutchintheusa) teaches women many helpful tips in his quick videos such as how to disarm an attacker or get out of handcuffs using your shoelaces, breakout of zip-ties, deter a burglar, and other dangerous, life-threatening situations.
Follow Robin on TikTok and Instagram.
So there you have it, 20 dating safety tips for whether youβre at home or in public. I hope this guide helps you or someone you know in the future.
For more safety tips for women visit womenagainstcrime.com.
If you have anything to add to the list, please leave a comment or message me! Anything that helps a fellow female is definitely worth talking about.
If you found this blog helpful, forward it to a female you think could benefit from it or share to your social media.
For travel essentials, check out my Amazon shop page!
Now, as promisedβ¦
My Scary Dating Story
I actually had an incredibly scary first date in Birmingham, Alabama. The Bartender at the restaurant I was dining at literally saved me and became one of my closest friends to this day, many years later. (thank you, Winston)
I was in Birmingham on a writing assignment for several weeks and had met a guy online prior to going down. We hit it off great over the phone and in chats. Then, discussed meeting in person.
The lunch was going pretty well until he said he brought me a gift but it was in his car, literally parked in front of the restaurant. We were sitting at the outside tables on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.
He stood up to go to his car and pulled out a camera and a tripod. He also LITERALLY, pulled out a big duffle bag. Creepy right?
It gets better⦠As he was going through it, a spool of rope fell out. He quickly turned to look at me (red flag).
I was a little panicked, maybe I was thinking too much about it. Finally, he grabbed a small bag. After he put all of his things back into the trunk, he walked back to me and handed me a t-shirt from Florida (Zero clue as to what that was all about).
He then said, βOh, I brought my camera maybe we could go to this spot I know and take picturesββ¦ I thought this was odd in and of itself. He never mentioned anything about being a photographer and I certainly never said anything about an impromptu photoshoot.
I excused myself to go into the restroom. While walking by the bar, the bartender/waiter (Winston) must have noticed my discomfort and asked if I was ok. I briefly said, βBad first date, yikes!β
About 10 minutes later, he came out and said, βHey sis, Iβm almost off work now are you about ready to leave?β It took a while but, the creep finally left. WHEW!
Itβs so important to help our fellow women stay safe. Do you have a story to tell or any safety tips to share?
Please feel free to comment below.
You can also reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter.
Thank you for your continued love and support! I wouldnβt be here if it werenβt for you.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:
20 Helpful Tips for Traveling with a Chronic Illness
9 Step Guide to a Solo Date at Home
Fact Check:
At Real Girl Review, we value truth and always strive for accuracy. Posts are updated regularly. If you read something that still doesnβt sound right, contact me at gv@realgirlreview.com. I will investigate the facts and make changes as I deem necessary.
Hi Diane!
Thank you for reading my dating safety blog. It makes me so happy that you got some tips from it. That was my goal.
Have a great day! π
Great dating safety tips. Better to be prepared and remain alert before, during and after that initial contact.